these are my least-est least favorite things.

Food that is blue and apartment lease agents,
Large rent increases and surprise and impatience,
Marketing offers attached to foul strings,
These are my least-est least favorite things.

Abusers, and bullies, and neighbors so nosy,
The way Twilight vampires are sparkly and rosy,
Cheap mattress bedding with dangerous springs,
These are my least-est least favorite things.

Political comedians, and unhappy waiters,
Small-minded Yelpers, and all the world’s traitors,
Heroes who fly without method or wings,
These are my least-est least favorite things.

When my cats pounce,
When a bird sings,
When my friends are here,
I completely forget my least favorite things,
and wave as they disappear.

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_________________________________________________

This weekend made me think a lot about my least favorite things.  It was supposed to be a quiet weekend, with a belated birthday party for Dave as well as some celebrations for other friends.  Our core group hasn’t been able to get together in some time, so I was really looking forward to it.  Other than that, I was going to read as many books as possible and maybe clean up some of my blog.  Sounds nice, right?

I did get a chance to meet up with friends, but Dave was feeling sick and everyone was exhausted by a surprisingly tiring weekend so it didn’t quite have the level of joy and camaraderie that I was anticipating.  Plus it turns out I have to move, right away.  I’m actually quite competent with moving, but I had to talk to a leasing agent which is the top of my least favorite thing list.

In some ways, it’s the only thing on my list.  Everything else is really about injustice, inconsistency, or grossness.   Leasing offices, on the other hand, just make me 50 shades of cranky.  Much like a certain book of a similar name made me cranky by taking away my ability to say that anything is 50 shades of anything.

Since I’m on a roll, here are some more things that are my least-est least favorite thing list — all of which I had the pleasure of enduring this weekend:

If the good Doctor can't pull it off, no one can.
The act of sniffing hair:  If the good Doctor can’t pull it off, no one can.  And as you can see here, even he can’t make it work.
French kissing your dog: I know a lot of good people who do this, but as a Cat Owner, I have to say... yeeuk.
French kissing your dog: I know a lot of good people who do this, but as a Cat Owner, I have to say… yeeuck.
Brushing your teeth while talking at the same time.  *gag*
Brushing your teeth while talking at the same time. *gag*
This guy. As an actor.  As a human person, he may be perfectly lovely.  As an actor, he makes me want to go wash my hands or shout at people.
This guy. As an actor. As a human person, he may be perfectly lovely. The roles he takes as an actor, though, make me want to go wash my hands or shout at people.
When people go to an expert for advice and then say, "It's really easy, I'm sure it'll only take you a few seconds."  Um, yeah.  It was difficult enough that you decided to take it to me, but thanks for telling me all about my job and how easy it is to do.  I'm pretty much MacGyver, so just hand me your gum and we'll get this turned out in seconds.  And hey, for free, why not?  The worst part is that it's usually specialists themselves who try this line on other specialists.
When people go to an expert for advice and then say, “Really? It’ll cost that much and/or take that long?  It’s really easy” Um, yeah. It was difficult enough that you decided to take it to me, but thanks for telling me all about my job and how easy it is to do this.  I’m surprised you didn’t do it yourself, seeing as how easy it is– it’s not like I studied and practiced this for years.  I’m pretty much MacGyver, so just hand me your gum and we’ll get this turned out in seconds. And hey, not only will I not charge you for this– I’m going to give you $5 for pointing out how little I know about my own craft. The worst part is that it’s usually specialists themselves who try this line on other specialists.

Of course, I also shared laughter with friends, cuddled with my cats, and had a chance to dote on my husband who is usually too self-reliant for any of that fussing.  All that love makes me absolutely convinced (despite evidence to the contrary) that I will find a wonderful place to live, in a reasonable amount of time, within my budget– and that everything else will work out, too.

And tomorrow?  Tomorrow is going to be a great day.

buhbye

68 Comments

  1. Tech and customer support that is entirely useless, or worse. My cable company. My HMO. Yup. That about covers it. A day without sunshine is usually a day when I have to talk to any of the aforementioned for any reason. I get a migraine thinking about it. Hope you are happier soonest. Remember to laugh. Or at least smile derisively.

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    1. 😀 Useless tech support, yes– I could see that making the list. 🙂 I completely understand the migraine thing. As soon as someone suggests that I might have to walk into a leasing office, I get a brutal headache and slightly foggy eyesight. There’s way too much negative history attached to leasing offices to be able to find a point of happiness in there. Luckily, I eventually get to walk out of that office and enjoy things like sunshine, laughter, and silly cats. So hurrah for an easy escape! 😀

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    1. Yep, it’s gross. 🙂 I try to remind myself that maybe I only find it as gross as I do because I’m a cat-person. But it’s more about germs than it is about dogs. Ick!

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    1. I thought about writing the whole song dedicated to them, haha, but decided it was more about the institution of leasing/renting/owning, and less about the people themselves. Of course, there seems to be an inordinate amount of flightly, thoughtless people in that field– but, again, perhaps that’s just my tiny experience. I just read that post– thanks for the link– how horrible of an experience for her!!

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    1. Yay for happy Mondays! I’m actually pretty good at moving, in terms of packing stuff and unpacking stuff, and changing address forms– I even have the “surprise costs” down to a veritable art form after living in over 30 homes in my life. But dealing with the snide remarks from leasing agents and the unfair rules or changes to current leases is always the worst part. The place where I’m living is seeing a 33% increase– effective in 30 days at the start of the new lease. Of course, they say we had to give a 60 day notice that we didn’t intend to sign the new lease and because we don’t, now we owe $500. Bleck! Ah well, we’ll sort it and find somewhere better!

      And as far as dog kissing goes… yep, gross enough to bust out the umlauts for sure. 🙂

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  2. Cold callers who think your are hope just to buy their crap (both figuratively and literally). And being the one who has to unblock the sewers- again. That dog tongue photo had me cringing- I taught my dog not to lick anyone, let alone faces. Yeeeeeurch, shiver…..

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      1. Oh good, so I’m not just being a crazy cat lady by being grossed out by that! 😀 I don’t have a home phone line so I don’t have to worry about cold callers, thank goodness, but I spend a good portion of my work day addressing those callers. 🙂

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  3. I’m sorry you have to move again & deal with pesky leasing agents – I hate them too! I agree with you about people who question experts. Of course, like most people, I do try to get a bargain when I can, so I might ask about the price to see if I can get it lowered a little.

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    1. Oh I’m totally for negotiating. 🙂 It’s just the rudeness of assuming you know more about the craftsman craft than the craftman… the one that annoyed me today was “Why does the plumber charge so much? He’s just connecting pipes. He’s basically a glorified lego-builder.” I don’t think people even think about derogatory that sounds.

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  4. Share your dislike for most things on your list.
    The Grey book? Irritated me to no end.
    Having a dog lick my face? After he licked his balls? As you said – eeeeeuuuuuwww!!!

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    1. Yep, I was pretty irritated with 50 shades even before I read it, to be fair. I’m a fan of the phrase “50 shades of _____” and now I can’t use it because it reminds everyone of that terribly written book. Ah well, 🙂

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      1. *Oooh I so agree@50 shades of , was /IS a terribly written book. I’m an avid book reader;and tried my best to see what the hype with that book was about..I didn’t make it far. Couldn’t stomach it. Grown women swooning over a book that, to me, appeared to be written by a 6th grader. Ugh ! and OMG..As for your list of least fave things love the concept & enjoyed reading your write.. 🙂

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  5. love your least favourite things–both in the song and the text — you are hilarious while being serious — good luck with a new place–my son is having problems with some of these lease people and they do not play fair–they lie to students (lucky for him his parents are landlords)
    here is hoping today is a better day for both of us–I like the way you balanced the bad with the good–isn’t that just the way life is?

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    1. Yep, mine are liars, too. Because of my current circumstance I think they’re dealing with someone at a high school educational level and no contract experience… they’re incredibly wrong. I still wish I didn’t have to go roaring at them just to avoid a bigger issue– it casts such a negative pallor on my day.

      Balance is my all time favorite word and I seek it in all things– I definitely agree that that’s how life is– it seems to be a basic principle of the world!

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    1. The lady I saw today was sitting in the outdoor patio of a restaurant. I almost lost my lunch, eek. 🙂 Thanks for the wishes!! Enough of those go into the universe and I’m sure to find the perfect place. 🙂 *hugs*

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  6. Hope you find the perfect place for you and that the move is easy! Sorry your weekend didn’t turn out as planned. I definitely agree with you on the actor, but Pineapple Express was funny because Owen Wilson and Adrien Brody (Yum!) were in it. It is a good day for me because I didn’t click on the music you included and avoided a brain worm.

    ps: I let my dog give me kisses and I’m not ashamed 😉 though I probably should be.

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    1. I did love Pineapple Express! 😀 Ah, see what I mean? I know quite a few good people who kiss their dogs… but I can’t get over the ick, haha! 😀 I love you anyway. 😀

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      1. Meow on Adrien Brody! Best scene was the macing on the train or the snake, nightmare passengers 🙂 I know, I know. The ick is there, but if I don’t she gives me the “hurt” face and I melt. Cats do sick things too almost – One morning I caught my college roommate’s cat drooling into my mouth, the deviant! Love you too, Rara! 🙂

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  7. This is hilarious! I love that you poke fun and find humor in life’s little irritations. I can relate. We all need a day to laugh at them in their faces. Then after that, we can be sunny again.

    What! You don’t like the likes of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert?

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    1. Exactly, after a little fun-poking, then it’s time for sunshine! 🙂

      Nope, I don’t like ’em at all. I feel like they over simplify issues and use humor and marketing to spread their own opinions and invalid information. They take advantage of their fame, and of the ignorance of their viewership, and often spread outright lies. Haha! Sorry for going on a tangent. 😀 But yes, the point is, I don’t like ’em. 😉

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  8. Hope your new home search goes smoothly! I think moving is one of my least-est least favorite things. And absolutely loved your take off “favorite things.” 🙂

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  9. I completely agree with the French kissing your dog, it’s just so gross. Every time I see someone do that I have to stop myself shouting ‘your dog licks its ass’
    I have dogs but there is no way they’re kissing me. Or my cat for that matter, he eats mice and I don’t want mice insides on my face.

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        1. It’s true. People always forget that not everyone loves animals too. I try to remember that, and appropriately warn people about the fact that my cats exist… but a lot of people just take their pets along everywhere they go.

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  10. I don’t like
    eggs that are slimy and
    lunchmeat turned green.
    Boys who are too nice and
    girls who are too mean.
    Ghosts who shout BOO
    under my bed as I sleep,
    bad dreams that linger and
    sweet dreams I can’t keep.
    Sluts who flirt with my man
    while I’m standing so near.
    A mirror reflecting my fat which
    I didn’t even know was there.
    Friends that are not
    but I thought they were.
    A hurt that won’t heal
    a disease with no cure.
    Alligators who get caught
    and turned into bites,
    sad end for a tough guy
    who survived many fights.
    Blind dates with
    someone I used to know.
    A bad haircut, cause
    my hair grows so slow.

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    1. “Sweet dreams I can’t keep”– how true!! And those dastardly mirrors– they always manage to create pudge that isn’t actually there. 😀 Lovely poem– you should post it!

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  11. Well, spring will be here in a few days.
    And apparently there’s a new Doctor Who trailer up.

    Hope all goes well with the agent, and you shake off the blahs and move on to the next fun thing.
    (By the way, was the book that won’t let you say 50 Shades of Anything “Thinner Thighs in 30 Days”? Because that book sucked! 😉

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  12. Rara,
    {{{Hugs}}} I’m sorry you are getting treated unfairly by greedy lease agents/landlords. 33% in one month is outrageous. I know you will find a perrrfect place for you, Dave, and the cats. I hope one day you look back and say, “Thank God we moved out of that place.” {{{Hugs]}} kozo

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  13. OMG I heart this so much. Was doing my own version of this song last Friday at work in my head. You might have inspired me to write it down and share it.

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