In case you’re curious, in my own writings on this blog, the word “hate” only shows up a few times– in conjunction with my favorite books and why you might hate them, my study of internet trolls, my support of DC Comics in the MatticusKingdom TugOfWar, a shouty rant in defense of my brother, as a tag in my letter to my first troll, and in a brief Trifecta story about CareBear haters.
All of this is to say that I think pretty much all hate is irrational, and I don’t often let myself take it more seriously than it deserves… which is why when these lists of 21 Things I Irrationally Hate and 21 Things I Irrationally Love started going around, I was excited.
I always talk about my irrational loves, but here was my chance to explain– in a format that makes sense to my perception of hate– some of the things that make me batty. I’m leaving out the obvious things like animal abusers.
Ready? Let’s do this!
21 Things I Irrationally Hate
- The taste of apples. There’s no reason for this at all. I’ve eaten them straight from a tree, and tried them in every way possible. It’s one of the only foods I’ll slip to Fido instead of trying to consume.
- When people criticize the food someone else is in the process of eating or not eating. I don’t care if someone is not eating at all, or if they’re picking all the mushrooms off their plate, or if they are eating straight from a giant bag of cereal marshmallows, or if they are eating celery sticks on rye, or if they’re swallowing down fake-purple potatoes shaped like little dinosaurs. It’s none of your business unless they ask for your opinion. Seriously. Back it up.
- Being called popular, unpopular, important, or unimportant– or any other word that is a perceived reflection of the opinions of the general masses rather than an actual compliment or fact. It actively gives me hives.
- The words: jicama, meat, and pond.
- The phrase “I barely eat any sugar” unless you’ve ever actually done a count of your standard sugar intake and compared it to anything that would give you any idea of what “barely” even means. It’s most likely a lie and it diminishes the work my husband puts into his every day life. Instead try, “I barely add sugar to anything.” But before you say that, consider what merit the idea has, what point you are trying to make, and if it even needs to be expressed.
- Unsolicited ego-and-judgement-driven commentary. [See #2, #3, & #5]
- Papyrus. It’s a font, and you should stop using it. Immediately. In fact, I’m happy to help you remove it from your computer. If you need assistance, just let me know.
- Ill-planned public bathrooms. If your bathroom is in a mall or another place that welcomes children regularly, don’t make the faucets so high that most adults have to stand on their toes because it’s harder to lift a water-loving three-year-old than you realize. Also, what’s with the auto-closing doors in women’s restrooms? You realize that now the only way I can see if a stall is empty is by crawling along a dirty floor and peeking up under doors? Plus, women have purses. Give me a hook or prepare for the mess I make when I go all MacGyver in your bathroom in order to avoid setting my belongings on the ground. And “automatic” is not another word for ill-functioning. I’m talking to you, women’s bathroom in the mall. I’m talking to you. Because yes, it’s somehow worse when your bathroom is BRAND NEW and still suffers from all these problems.
- Pride in computer illiteracy. It’s not a good thing if you can’t turn on a computer. It’s a sign that we, as a world, have failed to inspire you to self-learn, or perhaps we created an unnecessary fear, or perhaps we simply did not supply you with the required resources. I’m sorry we failed you, but please stop being joyous about it.
- Pop up ads. Why do they still exist?
- When my feet get wet, or sandy, or dirty.
- Cracks of light through curtains. If I wanted to see outside, I wouldn’t have curtains.
- The persistent quoting and regurgitation of blatantly false, misleading, or unsubstantiated information– even in the face of accessible sourcing and research.
- “Wild Thing” by Tone-Lōc. [Ugh.]
- Confused causation.
- Fake, ill-expressed, or trend-fueled passion.
- Doors that don’t lock.
- Lightweight clothing. It looks beautiful, but I don’t like it on me. It’s uncomfortable. I like clothing that’s double-lined and made of heavy material. I like skirts that you have to lift, and dresses that wouldn’t possibly fly up, and shoes that are too heavy to hold in your purse.
- Hypocrites who don’t acknowledge their hypocrisy. I’m surprisingly okay with the ones who embrace it.
I know many of you have done one of these lists as well, and if you have– either for love or hate– leave the link in the comments!
What’s something you irrationally love or hate?