If we were having coffee, you’d tell me to sit down and take it easy. The party isn’t for another 2 hours, you’d say, and you’d be right.
But it’s the first party I’ve hosted in over a year and I’m out of practice.
I can still blowdry my hair and check my blog comments.
I can still paint my nails and sip my coffee.
And I still chat all the while.
If we were having coffee, I’d be complaining. I’d tell you all about how I’m going to have to bum a ride to my own party because my car broke down on my actual birthday. I’d tell you about how there’s not going to be a theme or favors because of the car problems.
Unless we count pie as a theme.
The dress I’m wearing is all white. I’m trying to wear white more often. It’s a color I wore with Dave because I could trust him to keep it safe. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of soda cans he caught in midair before they tumbled from my hand and splashed me. I can’t even explain the quantity of marker stains he magically washed away. All to be the hero who saves the white.
Maybe it’s time I save my own colors now.
Maybe it’s time for a lot of things. Let’s go, Let’s go, Let’s go!
If we were having coffee, I’d tell you about how I bought that dress for $3, and I’d ask you if the mousse I already put in my hair was still good. I bought it 6 years ago and it hasn’t had a lid on it since 2009. I don’t want to lose my hair over this. It’s just a party.
I’d tell you how I’m wearing the Rarasaur earrings Kim sent me, and probably that’s it for jewelry.
No wedding ring.
Is that weird?
Is it more or less weird that I still find myself locking myself into rooms just to feel normal?
You’d tell me to stop adding layers of nail polish to my fingers.
There’s enough glitter, you’d probably say.
In this, you’d be wrong.
There’s never enough glitter.
But I’d stop anyway because no one wants to smell nail polish while they’re drinking coffee.
I’d tell you about all my recent blog issues. How I resurrected Rarasaur magically and was finally able to abandon the temporary user account. How Rarasaur.com will be working as of tomorrow. How I finally updated all my contact information and I’m praying for penpals because it’s a habit I still completely embrace. How I’m happy with this theme now and will be removing all featured images.
I’d tell you how I posted my last post with the wrong datemark and messed up everyone’s feeds and links.
Mass confusion, courtesy of Ra.
Then I’d reassure you about the wonder of my house-family, who has welcomed my cats, and my Mama, and me. I’d give you the scoop on my house-dog, who has sniffed his way into my heart.
I’d tell you of the thai food we had for my birthday, and of the little girls who run around the house and make me so grateful to be a part of a world where children and animals exist again.
They are miracles.
Maybe we’d talk about my long call with Samara, where we gossiped about love and dreams. We touched on the concept of online-love, too, and I realized I’m sort of judgmental about people who don’t think it’s possible to fall in love online.
I’d stop moving for a moment to fill you in on Kozo, who called on my birthday to send me love, and how I spend a handful of minutes a day, imagining him healed.
I’d tell you about Matt, at work, texting me through the car disaster. #OfCourseHeDid
I’d tell you the TGIFriday waitress named Wendy who was incredibly empathetic to the car situation, and told me her life story, and asked me all about mine. I’d tell you about Brad, the towtruck driver, who had a cadence of humor that made me laugh.
“I’ve never been in a towtruck before,” I told him.
“Well, you’re welcome, birthday girl.” he deadpanned, “Don’t spend all the joy in one place.”
I’d tell you about my friend, Rich, who saved the day, and all the other heart-song friends who can’t make the party.
I’d tell you about an online friend — a phenomenal writer and talented artist– who knew me before I was Rara and before I was Dave’s wife. I’d show you what he drew me for my birthday:
Which matched Tahira’s dinosaurs for me, too.
And the cupcakes Nerd had for both of us:
And the story that Revis wrote, with a little bit of me in mind.
I’d let you know that work is going beautifully, and I’d show you the pictures from Diamond Mike’s International Dinner and how I hope you can come next year because he’s the best boss ever. He finds the sparkle in everything, and reminds me to celebrate every moment.
I hope, if we were having coffee, we’d be enjoying it with Deb and A. They’re only a minute or two away, you know. Just ’round the bend. They’re my guardian angels lately. You’ll read about it all on Monday.
And since I speak quickly and rapidly without break, I’d pause here, finally. I’d be sure I missed a million updates, but I’d be out of steam.
I’d refill my cup and laugh because you’d never think that someone who takes her coffee so simply– black, please– could be so very complicated.
And then I’d put all my distractions away, and ask you how you’re doing.
I’d ask where you’re at, what’s up, and what dreams you’re chomping on today.
Then I’d listen.
Tell me. Has the world treated you gently these last few days?
Weekend Coffee Share for Part Time Monster. (Don’t worry. My next post probably won’t have any words at all, least of all a thousand. )