dinosaurhearted, from the archives, journals, memoir

❤melt : they leave

whyrarasaurs

I don’t have a scanner so the comic is hard to read, unless you click to make it bigger.

I’ll summarize it for you, though.  It’s titled:

Why Rarasaurs Make Bad Inmates

Reason One : They Talk to C/Os

It’s me waving to a C/O, and him waving back and calling me by name.

Reason Two: They Befriend Tough-Girls

It’s me, explaining to a girl on the yard why smoking is bad for her.

Reason Three: They scare easily.

It’s me, running out of a room after I accidentally flushed the toilet with my head.  It happened a lot, but in fairness– those toilets are loud.

Reason Four: They leave.

It’s me, being hugged and held tightly by my Inside Voices.

_________________________________________

I left, but Cookie doesn’t get to leave.

She made this for me before I went home.  My heart squeezed so tightly that I thought for a second I wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore.

I asked her to make a list of 25 things I could do for her from the outside.  On it, she told me to be happy.

I miss her, every day, but I try to do at least that one list item.  It was asked from an entirely honest heart.

Just be happy.

I wish the same for her.

Sisters are found in the strangest of places.

___________________________________

[updated: Cookie came home!!]

67 thoughts on “❤melt : they leave”

    1. It’s a condition of my parole. I can’t write my girls in prison… :/

      But yes, happy is good. And writing somewhere is good. And if I can find enough people to write them so I don’t worry about it anymore… then yes, that’ll be good, too. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

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      1. I am intrigued by the idea of writing. I am also obsessed with OITNB. I even read the bio. I have mentioned before that I do understand , but choose not to write about why I do publicly. But want you to know I am with you in spirit. Sometimes I take on too much, which helps me put off what needs to happen ( like finding an awesome well paying job like yesterday.) Maybe once I have that job, I can consider becoming a penpal. Too bad there is no email in prison cause my handwriting really sucks. Your girls are lucky to have you. And so are we 🙂

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        1. I was so very lucky to have them. They changed my whole life, and saved me.

          Even a “I may not be able to reply ever again, but I wanted to say hey” letter goes a long way, and bad handwriting– well, it just gives us something to stare at longer– so if you find yourself in possession of a stamp one day…

          As to your job– it’ll happen. I have faith! ❤

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    1. ALL. THE. LOVE.

      She’s a teacher’s aide and she’d bring girls back homework because sometimes we work and couldn’t get it on our own. She’d tutor, and run school-errands for us. She’s the one who suggested STEM classes. She’d get Mental Floss articles and bring them to my room so we could discuss… and just…

      All the love. Yes. 🙂

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    1. Haha, oh, it caused all sorts of tension… but eventually, ultimately, everyone got used to it. It’s just how I am. They’re in green, and we’re not — and at the end of the day, that makes the biggest difference of our lives. But in the course of normal events, it only had to make a difference if we wanted it to.

      Thud, lovely lady. And infinite love.

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  5. You’re not allowed to WRITE them???!!!! That sucks and is unfair! I don’t understand. If they want, they can even check what you write about, as they do check out stuff people send in anyway.

    Now, as for another matter….flushing the toilet with your head?…How…????

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        1. Haha! Here’s a comment copy-n-paste since I’m not sure how y’all read comments, and I wanted to explain the toilets, haha:

          The toilets look like this: — obviously that’s an extremely clean version, but yep. It is one of the main seating options in the room. I’d always sit on the toilet while chatting with the other girls. The button to flush the toilet is a few feet above it on the wall and it’s a touch-activated, non-depressable button– like an activator. Some are more sensitive than others. The ones at CiW are set to be able to flush twice in a 10 minute period, and that’s it. Anyway, sometimes, I’d sit, lean my head back– and then the toilet would start to flush… which sounds like a small airplane landing, and (convinced it was ghosts), I’d run screaming out of the room. 😀

          We had giggly times, sometimes.

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    2. It’s a natural outgrowth of our society: in order to make sure they maintain some control over you after you stop being an inmate, you have to agree not to “associate” with felons. Obviously if two or more felons get to talking together, even by mail (and it would be in “code”, you know) they MUST be planning to break the law — what else do they know? So it’s for your own good…

      Our penal system is so far back in the dark ages it’d have to invent a time machine to leap forward to catch up with the Puritans…

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      1. I actually get the why, and either Rara or her husband mentioned it before already while she was inside. But I’m thinking that since they’re gonna check the mail anyway, there won’t be any danger of “felons” exchanging codes…

        I guess we can’t even write and say, “Oh, BTW, Rara says hello!”

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        2. I think the hopeful-idea is that making us go our separate ways may lessen the chances of us getting into fixes together, upon our mutual freedom. My case messes it up a bit, as does Cookie’s situation, because (a) she’s a lifer, though I hate-hate using that word in conjunction with her so I may never get a chance to be a bad influence on her in her freedom, as she may never have her freedom, and (2) My life doesn’t really have any bad influences integrated into it.

          I’ll make sure love is sent her way, though. There’s so many people in the world who want to know honest-hearted people. It shouldn’t matter where they live, right? 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

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    1. Haha! The toilets look like this: toilet— obviously that’s an extremely clean version, but yep. It is one of the main seating options in the room. I’d always sit on the toilet while chatting with the other girls. The button to flush the toilet is a few feet above it on the wall and it’s a touch-activated, non-depressable button– like an activator. Some are more sensitive than others. The ones at CiW are set to be able to flush twice in a 10 minute period, and that’s it. Anyway, sometimes, I’d sit, lean my head back– and then the toilet would start to flush… which sounds like a small airplane landing, and (convinced it was ghosts), I’d run screaming out of the room. 😀

      We had giggly times, sometimes.

      Liked by 2 people

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      2. Brrr. That looks so cold! If they can put a touch-activated button, surely they could achieve the dizzy technological heights of a toilet seat? A roaring toilet, though, that’s cool. I would have thought that’d be magic for a dinogirl. Mine sings. Seriously.

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    1. Probably not pictures… since if it gets too artsy, they can damage the letters while searching through them… but even just letters and ink doodles would be amazingly appreciated. Getting mail from other countries, even though I get mail from other countries in real life, was just AWESOME in prison. We used to sit and just stare at the stamps. Mind-blown. 🙂

      Thank you for even letting the idea simmer. I love you. 🙂

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  9. It’s those connections that could do the most good for everyone involved that make it so much worse when you can no longer communicate. Bleah.

    I am glad you had Cookie there for you, and you for her ❤

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    1. I was incredibly grateful to have Cookie. I met her through Stephanie, who was a total life-saver in a million ways. But Cookie was someone who could have so easily just blended into this world and, in a weird way, it kept me grounded here.

      For awhile, I didn’t want to come “home”, because it was “home” in quotation marks– but Cookie reminded me how much there was to love in my little subcultures, and how necessary it was to my heart.

      Connections are so valuable. I will find a way to make sure she knows she is loved.

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  10. People say ‘prison changes you’ but I think it needs to be said that Rara changed prison. I knew your light would shine and they couldn’t dim it. Sounds like ‘they’ (prison) made it brighter. 🙂

    I love this comic!!!!

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    1. 🙂 You’d have loved Cookie! She is so open to the possibility of all good, honest, loving things… so very invested in the world that she doesn’t even get to be part of completely.

      I hope I did leave my mark on prison, if even just a tiny bit… even if it’s just someone smiling whenever they look at the toilet! 🙂

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  13. Reblogged this on Not Just Sassy on the Inside and commented:
    You may have noticed, I’ve been less present than usual lately. Weird life. Now on vacation. With computer. But not getting around to blogging. You know I love to give you stuff to do, though, so I wanted to pass along this sweet post from Rara, and encourage you to write to her friend. (see bottom of post for mailing info). I’ll be around soon. Hugs, Leigh

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  17. I’m always looking for new friends, especially pen pals… who doesn’t love getting mail?! I haven’t a clue what I’ll say, but something with come to me 🙂 If you love her I am sure I will too! You inspire me to be better.

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    1. You’re already fabulous, A, so if you’re driven to be more fabulous, that’s awesome. Cookie is a great companion for a journey such as that. She believes in people, and possibility. You’ll love her. ❤

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  21. I just adore you…and so does everyone else obviously for very good reasons. My mom used to tell me that I was the kind of girl that made friends with everyone. It sounds like you and I are cut from a similar cloth. XO

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  22. Pingback: Letters to prison and elephants | Mr Tookles

  24. Love the bottom one and the “I can’t breathe!” speech bubble! Cookie sounds brilliant. I’ll try to send her a postcard, but need to find out how much it’ll cost to send a postcard to the States from the UK – it’s a while since I’ve done it and I’ve forgotten.

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  25. Pingback: a cookie’d joy – rarasaur

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