unlocked: bleeding gratitude

Originally written 11/8/2014 from CCWF, the Central California Women’s Facility, and posted by Dave in December– then turned into a draft after, well. After.  I decided to revive it, which means a new post, so here it is for those who didn’t see it before…


My heart is crying.

I am thankful to be so connected to others that I am able to suffer the scratchy pain of separation.  I am blessed to have friends and family to miss so badly.

I am bruised.

I am grateful for the forgiving nature of my life-source, and how it finds a way to speak silently of the wounds I caused myself, and how it heals me anyway.

I am skin-burnt and ever-so-thankful for the sun, and the gift of small freedom which allows me to see her.  I am thankful for the infinity of freedom, no matter how small the drop.

I am changed—an entirely different person today than I was yesterday.  I am thankful for my confidence in the truth I will be loved the same.

I am grateful for the possibility of unconditional love, and the hearts who give it to me in abundance, and the knowledge that all such love is rooted in the same powerful source.

I see love everywhere.  I am grateful for the benefit of vision.

I hear the current of our connection.  I am grateful for the skill of listening.

I ache today and I am thankful to know—with unconditional certainty—tomorrow—some tomorrow—I will not.

I am thankful for my trust in your empathy of such invisible bruises.

I am grateful for your love—it shines like the sun, forgives like my life source, and heals all things with time.

My heart aches today and it is changed but still—still—it beats with gratitude for you.  Unconditionally.



I just re-read this and realized how parallel it runs to the post I just wrote the other day, about how the hardest part of prison was missing out on my ability to be here with you through your stumbles.   Still, it is good to remember– often and always– that we are connected.   And today especially it is good to remember gratitude.

Happy Thanksgiving.


  1. Ah, Rara, you are so sorely missed. Christmas has come and there is no C4C because you are not here to make it happen. I bought a card, just for you, six months ago and that was just at the point we were told you would not be able to receive mail for a few weeks or so…. I still have the card and will send this week. Love you, HuntMode

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love the new look, though, I do miss upside down Rarasaur at the top left hand corner. Thankful for so much, blogs, you, life, this… totally worthy of a reblog. 🙂



Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s