blowing kisses my inside voice

sunshine waits

I was freed on a Saturday, but didn’t find my way online for a couple of days.  I jumped in, the way I do when I am comfortable somewhere– and I’m comfortable here.  I live on the internet.  I know these waters, no matter how dark or treacherous they may seem to others.
I poured through blogs and websites, all at once.  Everything is fine, I thought.  I am home and it’s as if nothing ever happened.

… And then I stumbled on a picture of Emily’s daughter.

Emily was an established blogger before I even started and though we were friendly-at-first-like, we never really moved the friendship to a deeper stage.   I followed her tales of motherhood the way someone with no children does, at a lovingly lighthearted distance

But that day, I stared at the picture until I started crying.  Until I was sob-wracked and howling, soaking my keyboard with tears.  The loss was debilitating.  The time lapse was horrifying.

I missed over a year.  Of life.  A little girl completely bloomed into a human being of sunlight and love, from the seedling of mischief and moonlight she was when I left.

I had waited and waited to come home, only to realize that I wasn’t ready for it– and home moved on without me.

The screen flipped to a picture of Emily, smiling her trademark grin, and I knew she’d understand.

The waiting.

Turns out, it’s really not the hardest part.



A true story, and an example of a Sonder File.   Lives intersect in strange ways, and sometimes the sun in a neighbor’s story shines a light into your own.

I’m collecting tales where the peripheral of me snuck its way into someone else’s story.  You can read more about what that means by visiting my early morning post here.

Do you know Emily? If not, stop by her world and say hey.  Believe me, you want to know her.


  1. I feel this same way actually mothering her. The time lapse, it’s pretty cruel. There’s this trite saying that if you blink, you’ll miss your kids growing up. As trite as it is, it’s true. Dang this blinking business!

    Thank you for writing this. I’m so thankful that our lives intersect and overlap in ways that I’m not even privy to. Your wisdom and kindness and grace are beautiful.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your grace is so very important to the ‘sphere and the world, Emily, and I too am glad we keep on bumping into each other. 🙂 Dang all this blinking! 🙂


  2. Do you have a favorite sweater? Like, a big fuzzy one with sleeves that are too long? Good. Now, once you have it on, give yourself a gigantic hug for me. That was lovely.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so glad we have internet these days, because while we have access to it, we have access to the people we care about. I’d hate to be in the situation where I had no idea what my sister and her kids were getting up to on a daily basis.

    Ra, I love you. So here come many squishy hugs. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤



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