my name is ra.


I just linked up on the Throwback Thursday, hosted by our past-Poblano, Part-Time Monster, as well as Adventures of a Jayhawk Mommy and The Qwiet Muse.

I shared a post from three years ago, darker and more aching than anything Rarasaur readers had seen from me at the time. It was a submission for Prompts for the Promptless, when we were still doing that, before…

Well, before everything.

That post was a shifting point for me, in the blog world. I went from posting mostly happy, silly things– like this one about my mysterious back pain or this one about beans— to something a little more complete.   No one knew what I was talking about then, of course.

I am a vague writer by nature, and a happy storyteller by choice.

It would be a whole year before I would go to prison.  In that year, we would do more prompts, celebrate a few made up holidays, go on a mysterious blog tour, hang out on Christmas, turn into chili peppers for a 30 day stretch, and distribute Magic the Bloggathering cards.   Rarasaur readers would read over 300 posts, leaving tens of thousands of comments.  Can you imagine?

Right now, I am compiling short vignettes about the really ugly parts of my last year.

I don’t know what the moral is, if there is one.  I don’t know if there’s something we can do, for my heart that holds the hurts, or for future hearts that may run into the same hurts.  I don’t know if the writing is good enough to even post here– but I am writing it.

And because we’ve done so much together, I know you will read it, and when you do– please remember that I am asking you for the hardest of all things…

I want you to laugh.
Because I couldn’t tell the story if I thought it’d make you cry.


Is it easier for you to write happy stories or sad stories? Did you link up one of your old posts for Throwback Thursday? (Remember, Cheer Peppers never die,  they just move past November…  If you’re a past-Pepper or past-Cheer-Pepper and you have a project that deserves a little love, just let me know.  I don’t just post my contact information for the funny spambot emails, you know.)


  1. uhmm.. There are lot of smilies here. People eat up your words, there is no cause for worry. As for the question, I find it easier writing sad/dark stories, the funny ones are dark humour. You get the gist here…
    I tried writing happy, it sounds really phoney, and so I do what I do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My husband was much like that. He had very few stories that could be considered cheery… if any. 🙂 As a reader, I love it all. The dark, gritty, morbid, sad, happy, loving, humorous, everything– I love words. As a writer, it’s different. Somehow? 🙂 Oh, I don’t know. I figure most everything out as I go. Thanks for reading and joining in my thought process!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d rather smile but I don’t mind crying when something is sad or moving. Tears and smiles are two sides of the same coin: it’s natural to experience both. Some people are just more able to flick between the two. That may seem disrespectful in certain contexts, but it’s deeply respectful if that’s the way you were made. The main thing is not to feel compelled to be anything – to be able to express whatever we do feel, so far as we want to express it.

    On my own blog, I’m more likely to be cheery, though I would trust my community to understand anything I wanted to share, even if it was sad, serious or disappointing. Sharing those kinds of subjects does take a lot more faith, whether they’re presented humorously or not, especially for thoughtful people.

    I think you’re very brave even if it doesn’t feel like that from the inside. I enjoy reading your thoughts and the insight you bring.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t it awesome to have a community that understands? It makes all those expressions expressable. 🙂 Thank you for reading, and for your thoughts and insights. I appreciate it all very much. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m in no matter what your writing “mood” is. So glad I found your blog through Deb’s. I’ll devour everything and let it seep in – then figure out what to do with it. Since I’m not a writer.. but a big reader, I’ll answer this way: I won’t shy away from a sad story and will sob with book in hand. There are some I’d never re-read though – too much for my heart to take. Take care. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. #TeamRawr! 🙂 As a reader myself, I know how much love a reader gives to the words, and I value that more than I could ever possibly express. Thank you. ❤


  4. RaRa,

    Laughing inappropriately is right up my alley as long as there’s some dark humor sprinkled in. I’m looking forward to how you’re going to process outwardly, rather than inwardly. Your outward stuff so far has been fairly elegant which has been a nice primer, but I imagine there are grittier feelings to excavate. When the “why am I writing this fucking stuff?” and “there’s no way I can publish this crap” feelings are bubbling you’ll be on the right track.

    The RAWRs are great…now how do you growl?


    Liked by 1 person

    1. In one of my recent posts, about Dave, I wrote about the #TooSoon and the picture of me holding his decapitated head from a Halloween photobooth. The photographer that day wanted me to make a mean face and I did, and he didn’t find it sufficient. Dave finally explained, “My wife is a basically happy person, she doesn’t really go to the dark places. Maybe if she looks manically happy the picture will work too?” So in the picture, I’m beaming while holding his head– it’s quite creepy, but it makes me laugh. 🙂

      Oh, inappropriate laughter. It’s fun.
      Now let’s see if I can figure out this dark place stuff, too.

      Thanks, Mark. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Maniacally Happy,

        Maybe if we rework my handle for you….

        HMS (usually means Her Majesty’s Ship)…so, I’m thinking HMSRaRa.
        Happy Maniacal Swirl RaRa. The Swirl lets you dip into dangerous dark depths, but since you have the Happy Maniac thing you can also spring up to the surface like a Rubber Ducky who casually charms her way free of the sinister toes pinning her to the bottom of the bathtub. You may surface with one of those grim faces for a bit, but like water off a Ducks back…you’ll shake it off effortlessly. 🙂



  5. All writing here is good—sad, happy, reflective, introspective, the list goes on. Of course I prefer to be happy but the sad stuff has its place and time and we all have it so why not share it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s true enough, share our sorrows to half them, share our joys to double them. Thank you, Beth Ann, for reminding me there is a place for everything. 🙂


  6. It’s easier to write happy stories but when the sad and the hurts come along. Those stories demand I wake up at odd hours and write them down.

    I think demanding stories probably don’t care if they have a moral or if their reader cries through writing them or if they should try to be happier or… anything. They are just demanding because they know they need to be written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like the idea of living stories, it makes me calm down a little on my need to find the point of them. I don’t chase down ducks asking what their point is, I just let them, well… duck around. 🙂 Thanks, Jessie. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Is it easier for you to write happy stories or sad stories?

    That all depends. I try to bring the funny even when I’m talking about sad things, though. I don’t believe in sacred cows, and I don’t believe there’s *anything* that can’t be laughed at.

    Can’t wait to read what you have to say.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I just read your story from 3 years ago. I think it’s just as appropriate now as it was then. When you read a written word, it affects you so much differently than if someone “told” you the story. I had a co-worker pass from cancer last week (he was a great guy and on long-term disability from it but I so enjoyed working with him) and heard “through the grapevine” that he had died. Well. No company email had been sent of the passing of a co-worker, no card laid out for all of us to sign. Heck, we’d even signed a card the week before for a co-worker’s husband’s uncle that had died! WTF??? So, long story short, I brought it up boldly in a meeting today with a manager (who wasn’t mine). He admitted he dropped the ball and would send out a company-wide email. NOW. When I read the email that finally came out, even knowing he had already died, I actually teared and choked up. The written word NEEDS to be preserved! There is so much there with that, Ra. So much. Having it in WRITING preserves your thoughts and gives you feelings so much more than word of mouth or second and third-hand even. Now my friend Joe has been given the respect and honor he deserved for working almost 20 years at my company. XOXO Sorry for the long-winded post. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad (proud, is actually the emotion, but I don’t think I really have a right to that one, 😀 ) that you said something. No man is an island.

      Thank you for sharing your story, it was one of my favorite types of things to read– truthful, forgiving, and filled with pockets of kindness. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nothing gentle in any of this, I’m afraid, but life marches on, and I’ve learned that you either take a deep breath and march with it, or you curl up and die. Some days, you do a little of both, n’est ce pas mon amie?

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Sorry for the late response. Serious family issues this week but I too say “bring it” and as for the question, I only wish I could write “happy” but find when I am not in the well I’ve nothing to tell. My poetry is mostly dark save for a few lighter tales which, btw, garnered the most “likes”. Happy or sad moving words from our heads and hearts to the page is all good. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Family issues, *hugs* I hope those work themselves out.

      I appreciate the idea that moving words is more important than the direction in which we move them, 😀 Thanks, Di, for perspective… and readership! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Ra. I’m sorry, I couldn’t laugh. Not yet. Maybe one day. What you went through … what I’ve been through … some wounds are still too raw, you know? Yes, you know.

    But I so adore your courage and your optimism, and I love you for them. *hugs* ❤

    Liked by 1 person


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