it’s relatives

My family would keep calendars on the wall for months. There was always a reason. Dad liked the flowers on top of the April calendar. Mom wrote an important number on January 10th. My little sister ate July and then we would forget about August by the time we came to it.

I have an odd relationship to time.   My year flipped over while I wasn’t looking. I think childhood habits would have had me content to keep living May. A year from turning myself, a year from his death, a month before I fought a fire, three months before I was actually free.

I am actually free now. I am done doing time, but my time is not quite my own.  I live with Mamasaur now, on her Unstandard Time.

Today she made an appointment at 5:15pm., for us to have a chance to get our backs fixed, after our accident. I work till 5:15pm, so in essence– Mamasaur made an appointment for us to be late. There was traffic because there’s always traffic in Southern California on a weekday just after work and a two minute drive became a twenty minute drive. Sometimes, I leave work early. Every so often, a street is unblocked.

Theoretically, she claimed, we could get there on time.

Time is a gamble to her.
And Mamasaur rolls hard.

I imagine, in her mind, Time is a casino. Every minute is a wild games of chance, or a precious illusion of skill. She’s feeling lucky today– every day– with chips falling from her pockets like rainfall. She has a chip for every day she survived, and she winks at the dealer before going all in.

Is she bluffing?

I’ve known her my whole life and your guess is as good as mine.  She has a poker face when she plays her days, no matter the cards she is dealt.

I know how this game ends, in the end. I know the house always wins, but I stopped trying to argue my point years ago, long before my little sister stopped eating the calendar pages.

At least, I’m pretty sure she stopped eating the calendar pages.

Now that I think of it, I’ve never seen one hanging in her house either, and it wouldn’t surprise me if she snacked it away, or burned pieces of it in rebellion of time itself.

Everyone in my family has an odd relationship to time…



  1. For me, I can schedule days but not individual hours. I get really stressed out trying to plan out my life to that degree, and honor it, so I prefer just to set due dates for things. “Just get it done by ____, I don’t care how or when you do it.” That’s my relationship with time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That makes sense. Time seems rather mystical to me, I can’t say I trust it, but I am enchanted.

      I’ve been struggling with deadlines of any sort since coming home but I think that’s probably about ptsd, not time management. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

        1. I’ve been doing that, which is my usual go to. I don’t do massages or chiropractic usually because I’m not big on being touched (weirdly out of character, I know). This stiffness has been making blogging hard, though, despite Epsom baths. .. so I bit the bullet and tried chiro today. We’ll see!

          Liked by 2 people

          1. My backs been out for the last 6 days too. Before I always was able to get things back together with yoga, but now I seem to just make things worse. I took my first rest day ever for an injury today and will be out of commission for at least a few days. My mom just wrote me and was like, Ra’s back is messed up to. At least I’m in good company.


  2. Mamasaur and Mother Green would get a long swimmingly. Time concepts often elude her (as does technology). She is good, though, if she ever takes a flight. I think we can all take comfort that not even The Doctor has the greatest handle on time. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Time and I have always had a love/hate relationship. Now that I’m working 14 hour graveyard shifts, it seems like all I have is time… or none of it. And don’t tell your sister I said this, but… I think she needs to see a specialist. Someone with lots and lots of time.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I always have to be early wherever I go. I get panic attacks if I am late. Don’t know how I developed this but I am crazy about time. As for the calendar in the house I remember the same thing. 🙂 minus someone eating the pages as I don’t have a sister

    Liked by 1 person

  5. RaRa,

    Time has certain “agreed to”elements where someone might say they’re coming to visit this month, but it shifts and becomes several months down the road. Appointments can be somewhat despicable, Tell Mamasuar that Ridicu likes her dicey approach to them. Ridicu prefers days without appointments on the one hand and sees getting to work on time as sensible.

    Time is variable in this camp too. 🙂


    Liked by 1 person

  6. I missed that you were in an accident, sorry to hear it but glad you came out of it ok if a bit sore. Your mom sounds super interesting, but that makes sense as I think the apple didn’t fall far from the tree there. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ve retired…so time seems to have become warped, but in a good way. Where I always imagined I’d have loads of time once retired now it seems the day gets away from me and suddenly it’s history. Even the days where I pay attention, which I admit is not often.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. And to think, Time is a construct of our human-ess living on this plane, when the Universe is timeless. Past, present and future all merging into one live stream…maybe your family is on to something there 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I always attributed my scheduling tendencies, like your mother’s, to be my acceptance that I am always, always, always late. So I might as well schedule an appointment for any old time.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Talk about an odd relationship to time – since I’ve retired I even sometimes get on the wrong day. Seriously its scary – I’ll go on Facebook and put my pretty little picture up with my Happy little “Awesome Wednesday Friends” – Only problem is its not Wednesday! Talk about feeling silly! I think I ate all my calendars, even the internal one. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Time is an odd thing when you think about it, at least its seems rather odd to me at this very moment after reading this post. The odds are always on the house though…sighs… I have been struggling a little with time lately. Too many things I want to do and not enough hours in the day. Seriously I have no clue how you read, write, play with friends, and work full time, when I cannot even seem to manage it half time. eeeeeeeek. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Most of my friends are like Mamasaur. They usually lose, so I’ve stopped showing up early, and always make sure to bring a book or three along.
    I hope you’re feeling better. I wish you a complete and speedy recovery.

    Liked by 1 person


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s