the sacrificial post

I can’t seem to think of this year as a linear measurement.  It doesn’t seem to stretch on, or up.  It hasn’t crawled forward or skipped ahead, or moved in any distinct way.

This year has been a hole, and I’ve been digging it.

Every time I look up, I’m surprised by how far I’ve come.   The dirt in my mouth and the aches in my arms are not meaningful markers.  It’s only the occasional glimpses above that give me any sense of my place.

I don’t mean to say it’s been a bad year.
It hasn’t been a bad year.

I’ve walked into sugared seconds, so preciously self-aware, that they melt into syrup as soon as you recognize them.  They stick to you then, covering your fingertips.  They stay for days.

I smile whenever I see my hands.  They probably look dirty, but believe me– they are bejeweled in crystal and sweetness.  They shimmer when I hold them to the light, refracting the memories everywhere.

I see them even when I close my eyes.

If you saw me sitting here, on the last day of October– slowly blinking at the bottom of a dry well– you’d probably think I fell.

But I didn’t.  I dug myself here.

If you saw me sitting here, on the last day of October– bruised and dirtied– you’d probably think I’d be wishing for any other type of year.

But you’d be wrong.

This year is a hole– and I’m diggin’ it.

Pepper2017

Tomorrow begins year 5 of NanoPoblano– and, like always, our team is going to blog every single day in November.  (There’s still time for you to join us.)  I figured I’d get my bloggin’ shoes on a day early since I’m a bit rusty.  I hope we can count on you to read, support, and share what you can. 

Ra @ Rarasaur
Julie @ Bug Bytes
Bill @ Bill Friday
Elsie @ Ramblings of a writer
Jessie @ Behind the Willows
Anita Shree @ Heartsongs blog
Sarina @ Shining Seeds Blog
Lori @ LoriStory Blog
Kasturika @ Musings of an eccentric mind
Lorna @ Gin & Lemonade Blog 
Angie @ The Muses Words
Varuna @ Vanilla With Sprinkles
Ghost @ Teleportingweena
Sibelius Russell @ Consolations Many Form Blog
Sarah @ Mother of Serendipity
Juliette Kings @ Vampire Maman
Lindsay @ The Flynnigans Blog 
Emily @ Zombie Flamingos Blog 
Carolyn R Owens @ Infinity Coaching Leadership Blog
Kitty Litterbox @ Litterbox Riot Blog 
Erica @ The Broken Spine Blog 
Erica @ The Ink Slinger Blog 
Charlene @ The Illusion Of Controlled Chaos Blog 
Sahara @ I Didn’t Just Wake Up This Morning With A Craving Blog
Briton @ Punk Rock Papa Blog
Kim @ Drunk On Life Blog 
David Ellis @ TooFullToWrite Blog
Tooks @ mrtookles (insta-blog)
Kate @ Will Wally Wonder 
Varad @ Loose End of the Red Thread
The Don @ Blended in the Middle Blog 
Palak @ Expressions Blog 
Victoria @ The Loneliness of the Stay-at-Home-Mother Blog 
Namratha @ NamySaysSo Blog 
Ka Malana @ Fiestaestrellas!
Edward @ Edward Fagan Blog
Robert @ Fresh Off the Pad Poetry
Lizzie Ward @ Cats and Chocolate Blog 
Jesska @ Not Throwing Stones
Quixie @ Quixie’s Mind Palace
Heather @ tUrtlettE Blog 
Sarah @ TZBlog
Matt @ The Matticus Kingdom
Cyn @ That Cynking Feeling

Thank you, as always, for reading.

20 Comments

  1. Interestingly enough this reminds me of a new song that I’m working on, the last verse of which is, “If you see me drowning in some dirty water, don’t you try to save my soul, I’m just fighting against a world that’s trying to hold me a little too close, no I’m not drowning in this dirty water, I’m just cleaning out my soul, this pit I’m digging may be filling up but freedom’s always been the goal.” I think we might have some etherial connection going on.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love those lyrics. We’re definitely on the same page. I fell into a bit of a slump seconds after writing this post, but your words cheered me up. We’re headed in the right direction!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I read somewhere recently, something along the lines of “just because I’m not going in a straight line doesn’t mean I’m not going forward…a spiral eventually moves forward, taking in its surroundings as it goes”. I completely identify : )

    Liked by 1 person

      1. My dearest Sparkliest One…I know you know this already…those mountains will go but life will give you new ones. We will all always have mountains that need moving, in this world.

        Like

  3. I have a daughter who is digging her own hole. As a Mother it is good to hear this perspective to affirm my choice to let her dig is in fact a form of love and support. Thank you. Blessings be.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading. I don’t know how parents are supposed to know the nuances between reaching in for help and allowing space for experience… but I do know love and support is the thing needed most. Sounds like you’re doing a great job. 🙂

      Like

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