blogging: (b)link

Yesterday, keeping up with NanoPoblano made me so tired my head ached.

I’m captaining solo this year because I didn’t ask anyone for help.

I didn’t ask anyone for help because this has been a long year of leaning and I just wanted to try to stand up on my own two feet.

My own two feet, and my cane. You know. Close enough.

We’re doing things differently this year, too. We’re encouraging reading and sharing, and to make sure there’s room for it — we cut down required posts to ten.

I’ll be honest with you (as I always try to be)– I’m going for 30 posts anyway. I like to push myself.

At the doctor’s last week, he said I needed to stop pushing myself. That I need to do literally one thing at a time.

If we were having coffee, you’d see me try to do this. I say everything aloud to keep track of it. Sip your decaf coffee. Just sip. No, don’t look up a word. Don’t listen and lift your cup at the same time. One or the other.

How do people do only one thing at a time?

It’s important I try because I walked into a busy street last month. (I was trying to read.) It’s important to try because I almost swallowed a handful of pills last week. (I confused them with candy.)

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that allergy pills shouldn’t be bright pink like confetti, like birthday frosting.

I’d tell you I’m trying to build Nano Poblano into something different. Something that shows us how to marathon as a community, not soloists. I want it to be the trampoline that leaps us to a place where we know each other’s names.

We’re doing Saturday Link Ups this year. You don’t even have to be a Pepper. If you posted the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd of November, you can drop a link in the comments.

I posted the first comment and it made me smile. Such a leap of faith. Build and they will post. Take the first step and they’ll step with you. I hope.

We’ll see.

Some of you have been here long enough to witness the duds. It takes or it doesn’t. Blogging isn’t a precise science. Community isn’t a programmable art.

If we were having coffee, I’d want to hear about you. Did you dress up for Halloween?

I did not.

It took awhile, but this year– I let go of Dave’s favorite holiday. It’s always been a little too creepy for me, but I loved his joy. This year, I told myself it was okay to hold his joy in a blink of time, a passing moment. To memorialize it without trying to make it into some kind of marionette that I control now. I told myself it was okay to not scrape and fight for a bit of joy in this holiday.

I still love Dave. I still love that he loved Halloween.

I just don’t like being scared.

It’s been a decade of frights for me. In an unflattering light, my life is a haunted maze. I don’t need to run through any more.

I’d ask you…

What holidays do you love? And why?

And then I’d listen.

And I’d sip.

And I’d capture all our moments together in a good and sturdy blink.

One thing at a time.

Just like the doctor ordered.



Many thanks to the #WeekendCoffeeShare :