journal: transition

I haven’t known what to post lately. Every glimpse I would normally share seems inauthentic because everything is so transitional right now… so fluid.

If I fill a tablespoon from the Pacific, is it fair to tell you that it is ocean?

It is, and it isn’t.

I am, and I’m not. There is a lot of emptiness in my spoon of
saltwater, a lot of blankness to my page– but I write and unwrite, pour and fill, I poem and I pray that it all brings me closer to something my life needs.

Something my heart
wants.

I’m trying too hard to harness the journey, I know. Trying too hard to spoon the ocean, trying too hard to write a story where I tame and am tamed in perfectly equal measure. But it’s a reflex, a grab and a clutch, when you feel like you’re falling. It’s a wave- it ebbs and it flows.

It’s life, doing what life does, and time doing what time does, and I am okay with it all just as often as I’m not.