When I close my eyes, the darkness has been replaced with slate gray, like snow has come and gone and made mush of everything inside. Hiding in my heart is a kitten without a home, still cold from the storm, still afraid of how the sky fell and no one stopped.
What I’m trying to say is, I’m sad.
Today–
I’m sad.
After so much time within my trauma disorders, it’s almost a strange relief to just be sad. To know this isn’t an arm of depression, slinking sneakily over my shoulder with a yawn. This isn’t the first second of a sloppy dive down a spiral of stairs.
This is just a small sad.
Something to let in, and then, when it’s ready, let go.
When I close my eyes, my breath stops, and my heart sinks like it needed the wind of vision to set its sails anywhere but down. Inside the boat is a fish tank, an increasingly-heavy smaller ocean that has been aching to open to the sea.
What I’m trying to say is, this is necessary.
The let go. The let in. The breath hold. The breath give. The sailboat and the sinking, and the storm and the kitten all.
My body is a tiny universe, constantly in the making, and sometimes stars fill my eyes, and that is the work of it. Sometimes, a sad blooms like a flower in the dead of space, and letting it live its cycle is the work of it.
Today, I praise the work.
Some other participants to check out:
https://failingathaiku.wordpress.com/2020/09/21/__trashed/
https://grannyreports.wordpress.com/2020/09/22/loving-the-walks/
https://theillusionofcontrolledchaos.wordpress.com/2020/09/22/we-bought-the-condo/
https://dianneebejer.wordpress.com/2020/09/22/will-the-real-me-please-stand-up/
https://shootingnebula.wordpress.com/2020/09/22/my-stronger-half/
https://notalentforcertainty.com/2020/09/22/sketches-77/
https://www.instagram.com/p/CFdAkdLHkN2/?igshid=f78vtxedarda
https://deborahlrobinson.com/2020/09/22/nothing-more-to-do/
https://behindthewillows.com/2020/09/22/art-soul-by-claire-huston/
https://breakingmoulds.com/2020/09/22/a-pre-birthday-pandemic-confession/
P.S. I’m having so much difficulty with the new editor giving me a warning message and then not allowing me to save the post. Is anyone else having difficulty? What’s the trick?
rarasaur 
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
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Thank you 💕 I know, this one feels very temporary.
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I’m having the same problem with not being allowed to save a post! Its terribly frustrating and diminishing my slow blogging down to almost non-existent!
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Letting it live its cycle is the work of it – indeed.
Alison ❤
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On the editor: I have that happen when I leave a post open overnight. I’ve taken to saving the post last thing, and then in the morning hitting Refresh on that tab. Then the editor works fine.
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Interesting! I never work on a post overnight but maybe it’s a time out function. I’ll time myself to see when the problems start. Thanks 🙂
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A warm bowl of milk and a soft pillow for your kitten.
editor… I’ve had that same issue with the old editor in the past, not sure of the trick but I have had to copy all the text into a new post at times, to not lose a post. I agree with Jim Grey that sometimes walking away from it unsaved is a factor (Idk if this is a web hosting thing and something gets reset at night?) and also make sure to save before I close my laptop at night, but that wasn’t always the way it happened. Since I had a rash of those issues a few years ago, I almost always get a post close to completion in a word document and then copy it into wp because losing posts feels like a whole pack of kittens to care for. Do you like the new editor? I installed the old one as a plugin and haven’t fully embraced the new one yet, just played with it in a testing area so far.
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