When I can’t quite build a thought out into something solid enough for this blog, I will often post it to Instagram with the tag #LilliputianLog. The last weeks have seen a few of those posts so I thought I’d share them and the content here for those who aren’t on the other platform.
I don’t have any gigs or income-producing possibilities on my calendar for the whole month of December and I don’t know how long it’s been since something like that has happened, or if it’s ever happened. It isn’t always easy to tell because of how social media works but I work really hard. Like, really really hard. Like, all the time.
I often think back to when a friend said “when was your last real vacation, where you weren’t hustling at all?” and I asked if prison counted.
Of course even that wouldn’t have been a true answer. Don’t take these quarantine eyebrows as a sample, but I can thread a nice arch with a hemline thread. I can embroider your sheets if you provide the staples and the string. Need a poem about anniversaries spent separated by bars? I got you if you got a candy bar.
The December rent is paid and the pantries are full, and though I can’t actually afford to just stop working anyway, I also can’t seem to get the panic to settle in.
I don’t know what this means. Am I just too old for all my bustle? Just tired? Will it hit me on December 1st where I’ll then inundate y’all with all the different ways I sing for my supper, and ask you to help me find someone looking for a song*? Will I risk my just barely stable health and get a job around people during a global pandemic? Will I panic-sell a kidney?
I guess we’ll see!
In the meantime I’m just gonna smile with all my dino-teeth and be happy that the worry isn’t wearing me down.
In 2016, one of my nieces saw me in a stars&stripes outfit I had picked out for promoting Sack Nasty. She put on her 4th of July tutu outfit and said “You look like the President. So do I!” I looked across the room at her mom and mine, and even her still-so-young older sister, and they just shook their heads. Like “Don’t explain that there’s never been a president or VP who’s been anything like us. Don’t explain, yet.”
So we just spun and played a game. Made laws. Pretended to decorate the White House lawn with rangoli.
I still remember how imaginary it felt. Quite literally less possible than the “pretend we’re pillows” game which was another favorite of hers at the time.
So yes, I have very complicated feelings about this executive team — especially when it comes to lots of things I care deeply about. The load of my day-to-day organizing work isn’t lightening at all.
But today, I’m thinking about dreams, and possibility, and my nieces.
And I am so very full of joy.
#BabyGirlWeLookLikeTheVP #JoySustainsTheRevolution #LittleFooters
Some other Lilliputian Logs:
2 thoughts on “lilliputian logs”
I know I don’t spend as much time with my blogging family on WordPress as I’d like to – and even my Instagram use is a bit sporadic at the moment – but I really like your Lilliputian Logs over there. Even when you’re not sure what to say, your words speak volumes. I’m really pleased you’re reposting these again here.
It also goes without saying, but if we can help to keep you singing in any way, know that we’re always here x
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I always forget to check instagram. There’s an entire other world over there that I almost never see.
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