journal 1.22

It’s a tale as old as time, really. A book blogger decides to encourage a new blogger in their zany pursuits to write a bunch of haikus for strangers. Fast forward through made up holidays, made up games, made up projects, yada yada yada, new blogger goes to prison, etc, etc, they exchange letters. Book blogger leaves the willows, writes a book that new blogger publishes, fast forward, or flash back to, Santa Barbara where book blogger goes to kick things and dance around people, and new blogger goes to meet her. Skip ahead, past the foot broken in water and the hip snapped for firefighting, the instagram group chat, but you’ve gone too far if you get to the part about mailing several individual envelopes of tiny rubber chickens. Yes, back a little, where one hits a cow, the other swallows clots into her brain, and the next thing you know, on the recommendation of book blogger,


I’m drinking mud.

Neither Jessie or I have been exclusively-book blogger or brand-new blogger in quite some time. The mud I’m drinking is a coffee alternative. The major flavor I get from it is masala chai spices, but there’s some mushrooms in it. I can’t taste the mushrooms but I’m familiar enough with how they sit in drinks that I can feel their weight. It’s soothing.

I’ve written before about old-world drinks, like atole. How it also sands your tongue like a tiny paradise. How the sediment slumps like a blessing that has done its work, a prayer laid joyfully to rest. How I know these things are not for everyone, because in the new-world, we don’t unclench our jaws and let soft weight in. We have our reasons, don’t we. The new-world feels safer when your teeth are gritted and your wishes are hidden in the back of your throat and you move at twice the speed of heart.

Jessie lives in a house where pigeons are brought inside, and fruit falls from very tall plants, and child-sized beekeeper outfits exist. She knows the gift of being still with a warm mug in your hand.

I do, too, but I confess I forget. I think I’d wear my daily nutrition as a patch if I could, and bypass food entirely. Imagine the efficiency! I’d replace my feet with wheels, my eyes with lasers and cameras! I could move faster, faster, faster!

There’s no replacing the joy of slow things, though. Fingers into kneaded dough. The clang of the spoon as it stirs your warm drink, the light bell, a call for breath. Brushing through hair already untangled. The slow mangled words of a toddler repeating Sesame Street’s motto: smarter, stronger, kinder.

It’s a good motto. Perhaps even better than faster just for faster’s sake.

This, I am still learning. Not even brain clots were enough to completely change my programming.

I’ve devised a whole new scheduling system for myself, to encourage this slow-waves mentality. It seems elaborate whenever I try to explain it, but the functionality is actually quite simple. I call it pixelated planning. It’s been in place since January 4th, and I’m loving it. Even if I only focus on the return to regular-ish blogging, it has been worth it. I’ve felt like I was running behind for the last two years of recovery but with a little change of perception, most days I feel like I have extra time.

(Maybe I’ll make a little document about it that can be downloaded for anyone who would be interested in trying it out.)

Today is Pepper Day, which happens every 22nd, and — inspired by all the next space in my day — I’m beginning something new. An official link up! If you wrote a post on the 22nd– no matter what it’s about– if you tag it “PepperDay”, you can post it in the link up below. I’m new at this, so I’ll thank you in advance for the gentle way we’ll deal with the inevitable mistakes. I’m going to let it run till the 24th this time, since I opened it so late. You can read from the blogs linked by clicking here:

Or click the blue button below to add your link:

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Here’s a post I wrote about Jessie after coming home from prison:

And here’s a link to the book mentioned:

And here’s a more obvious link to her blog:

And a referral link to Mud in case you want to drink some, too. It’s Jessie’s referral link :

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