journal 10.30

Yesterday now, I got a text that didn’t say much, less characters than fingers on a human hand, but it loosened my shoulders and relaxed my jaw, and I slept. Actually slept for a bit. I’m grateful for technology.

A few hours before, I lost a tooth in a scoop of avocado.

Two years ago, I started November’s NanoPoblano with a post about an avocado. I am grateful for cycles, and blog posts that record them– the reminder that both good and bad things come and go, and one day much later, I read about them and my heart does not break, only bulks.

I’m fine, and I’m nearly certain I’m not a camel,
but it’s probably safer to avoid straw right now.

I’m grateful for therapy.

The dentist says he can get me fixed up, and I’m grateful for him. You don’t really need a full mouthful of teeth but I don’t want my tongue to constantly remind me that I am full of empty spaces.

My pen does that quite enough, thank you very much. I’m quite literally tired of my own voice: the written one, the one that prattles on in my mind, and the one that chatters itself into the air.

This is part of the reason I am doing NanoNanoPoblano this year.

My voice and I have some work with each other to do. Some therapy. Some trust falls.

I’m doing a mini version because I think I finally, finally, after years of having this blog, have some writings that I need to not share. This is part of the trust, part of the fall, part of the autumn. I’m doing a mini version because I would like to visit Mamasaur, and I would like go on my work retreat, and I’d like to just be in both those spaces with no requirement to post at all.

I’m doing a mini version because this place is a mess again, and maybe I can record Oddcasts again now that I’m settled, and maybe I can make a TikTok, and maybe I can make a stamp of the moon or a tiny pie. Maybe.

Yesterday was so long a day, it has cut into this day, and here I am, at 1:15am in the morning, sweeping it back into yesterday.

They say if you sweep when the sky is dark, you invite scary things into your life. It was a superstition I held carefully in my youth,

but I am much much braver now.

I am grateful for that.

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And you? Should I add you to my sidebar? Are you Nano’ing in any form this year?

18 thoughts on “journal 10.30

  1. It sounds like quite the day, and here you are heading into a new one. That’s worth celebrating.

    I’m looking forward to your Nano Nano posts. Whatever form they take, I’m sure they will be filled with feeling, insights and your own particular way of looking at the world (which I love), just like this one.

    It’s absolutely okay to fill your cup in other ways and it sounds like you’re trying to create a good balance. Your plans sound lovely❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Yesterday was so long a day, it has cut into this day, and here I am, at 1:15am in the morning, sweeping it back into yesterday.”

    I love this ^ 🙂

    I’m going to try… I’m so out of writing practise though, it’ll either be the kickstart I need to restart the writing habit, or it’ll completely flop when I get tired, like my fragile washing up habit…

    Wish you all the things (trust/honesty/strength/whatever) you need for your writing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m trying to get back into blogging. I don’t have internet so I’m doomed to using only the data in my phone and the phone screen and keyboard are so small. It makes it tough but I’m trying. I think Nanopoblano would be good to attempt this year! I’m game.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. I guess I have the rest of the day to decide. I’ve been a little overwhelmed since returning from my trip. I often wonder why we Nano in Nov? Nov is generally such a busy month for many. A Mini Nano seems much more doable. How many posts is it again. Sorry, I am still catching up. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You do you. Looks like you’re juggling a lot, and balance is different for everyone. I’m excited for nano this year and will continue to do my best. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I have committed to not committing, particularly since my ‘fiction’ blog and I more often give each other the side-eye than we give each other words on a screen. My words are flowing from my fountain pens. There are pages of ink, neatly piled. There’s a book afoot, again, still. I am also working on a new website as I am spouting wings of a brand (that’s a hint that won’t make sense until the site is seen in a few weeks). I’m also reading rather voraciously. So, that’s the story of my non-committal commitment, whatever it’s worth. *Hugs* always, and we still must find time for tea …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so excited for your novel!! The truth is, I don’t know. I’m trying to be as hands off as possible, but I’m a nosy nelly, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m going to include anyone who uses our tags in my sidebar starting tonight. 🙂 So you’re on my list! If there’s a more official one, I’ll let you know. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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