I have a watch that I wear only to tell me that I have all the time I need. I wear it on days I have marked as ceremonial beginnings.
It is one link too loose on me, as it should be. It slides and sways with every step. I do not like when time handcuffs me. I do not like when time falls away silent.
There is just-right size for a watch and it is this. One link too loose, where I must consciously turn it, and look it in the eye, in order to read its face.
On Diwali, I kept company with time without facing it. I kept the lights on and let the sunlight steep through the window, staining the already bright-boiled air with starpeel.
If I wear my beginnings-watch on my right hand, it covers the only visible scar I have left from prison. Instead, I wear it on my left, and when my arms cross, the hands of time rest against the healing wound like sisterkin. What is a scar but another type of timekeeping, after all– a study of end points and start agains.
The watch tells me I have all the time I need, and this year, for the first time in a long long time, I was able to really look at this in the face and think about what that means.
I was able to think past the scar, past the ticking, and really imagine a long, long life. It was not a thorough dream or a detailed vision, just an image I’ve not been able to imagine in over a decade.
I saw my watch, sliding down a bit as I crossed my arms. The still-fading scar was completely gone. My hands were wrinkled, wrinkled, and my arms were the sweet soft translucence of a human who has stretched life over many decades.
What would I even do with a life so long? I guess it’s possible we’ll see.
Special thanks to http://adventurousandanxious.wordpress.com/ for Captain’ing NanoPoblano this year! I think I put the most updated list of participants in my sidebar. If y’all could check that your link works and is present, that would be great. Once I know I didn’t leave anyone out, I’ll start including all links in every post I write this month going forward.
If you aren’t Peppering but want to spread some love, choose a link — visit it and say hi!
rarasaur 