journal 8.14

I don’t know what I want to say here, only that I hurried to get my laptop because the feelings were starting to feel like friction.

This year has dragged me over the carpets, and sometimes it is fine, and sometimes I am a bumble of lightning.

I’m afraid to shock someone, afraid to sting them even just a little.

. . .

I’ve been sitting in front of this screen for over an hour now, electrocuting myself in a series of sentences I can’t finish, let alone publish. Everything is fine.

My stomach is full. The lights are on. The rent is paid. I’ve been loved my whole life. Not a soul could find fault with all that.

. . .

Everything above was written 5 days ago. In my head is an doughball of thoughts that I knead and I knead, and I do not need.

What will rise from all of that, I wonder?

17 thoughts on “journal 8.14

  1. I know the feel .. so unrational and unreal, yet so present and irritating. I dont know much about u, except your journal here. I hope U have someone in real life, that is ready to listen to whatever babble that leaves your lips .. To me, speaking out loud makes clarity Love from a friend Elise

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  2. I hope in these five days, you have started to feel lighter. For me, the more I think “I don’t need this right now”, the more I find it hard to let go. So I babble it on an empty file and do not publish it… 😉 All the best!

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  3. Never be more than you than who you are. Sometimes that may mean remaining where you are comfortable, while others you may need to push against boundaries. It is still you, still loved, and always supported. Hugs, dear Rarasaur.

    Liked by 1 person

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