Today I forgot the word for widow. I visited all the neighboring words: late, former, forgotten, leftover, left behind. I gripped my hands to each other, and opened them, over and over. As if the word could be found there. As if a synonym for widow is the moment when two held hands unclutch from each other. Today I stood outside my apartment and tried … Continue reading 17. plans
We only think frogs say ribbit because it is the dialect of a Hollywood frog. They made it to the movies, to the big screen, to the big time, and now their croak is immortalized. I don’t know why I’m thinking about frogs. It’s something about how my face feels right now. Clenched, wrinkled, and toady. Oh. I’m thinking about toads. It’s been long and … Continue reading frog
Using my emergency post today, at the halfway mark. Hi, nice to see you. Continue reading ❤️ hi
Midnight is sneaking up on me, crouching in the day’s edges, waiting to pounce. I should be writing but instead I turn to rock, sinking my story-spin into frozen-earth. Stillness comes naturally to the hunted– maybe even more naturally than run. Wait feels safer than chase. The gravel of me wears a wedding dress of blank page. The vow to write today, and every day, … Continue reading 14. 100 / rock paper cat
By the time Jess is ready to consider a cane, just for the purpose of safe and steady walks with her love by her side, my experimental bandaid-surgery has worn itself down and I am using mine regularly again. She reaches out to ask where to find a good one, and I take too long to answer because somehow I imagine us busy still. Not … Continue reading 13. where i imagine Jess old
Argos beforeOdysseus leaves.Samwise, Samwise.Harry on the phoneat Christmas.Don’t be afraid to justphone moi.Wendy, old,and happywith dreamsof flight. Sometimes I don’t know how I got to where I am. Today I was redecorating my room. I moved a shelf from one side, to the other side, without my roommate’s help. For the time being, that means it isn’t secured to the wall. I still put everything … Continue reading 12. tamarian stay
Dedicated to my doctor who gets a kick out of my symptom descriptions. My throat feels like a scream trapped in my voice box. Like it was placed in the freezer for a long winter’s keeping. My throat is the piece of the sofa that can no longer find its shape. Inside my mind, a child is draped over an office chair, spinning and spinning. … Continue reading 11. 100/ this house creaks
Content warning. My roommate and I started making plans for the holidays today. Last year was our first year in this new place, but by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I didn’t want to be alive anymore, and so we did very little beyond just getting by. I was dealing with a dangerous mix up of medication, and a really triggering situation at work. When … Continue reading 10. journal 11.10
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