Sometimes the road seems paved, but you still slip through. You leave a crack in the flooring and think, I’ll get to it, but then you don’t, and then time flaps its gargoyled wings and the crack becomes a pothole, and you fall in. Today, I fell in. I sobbed in my bathroom for awhile, watching my face contort into something truly mythical. The way … Continue reading the scream
When I can’t quite build a thought out into something solid enough for this blog, I will often post it to Instagram with the tag #LilliputianLog. The last weeks have seen a few of those posts so I thought I’d share them and the content here for those who aren’t on the other platform. _______________________________________ 03.19.2021 I traced my husband’s handwriting onto a handkerchief, then … Continue reading lilliputian logs
I measureour distancein habitsI break. They ask: “when?” I saylong enoughI’ve stoppedhunting zodiacfor fish. When they askhow long,I say:so longI zipmyself up. I measure our distancein memoriesof muscle. They ask: “when?” I sayso recentlyour handsstill tryto touch. When they askhow long,I say:I spinthe ringI buried. I measureour distancein boneand body.They ask “when?” I saytoo long.His bodyis ashwithout me. When they askhow long,I say: A heartbeat.A heartbreak. … Continue reading measures
Today people shared that the word of the year for Collin’s dictionary is lockdown, and I wonder what other dictionaries will pick. It seems like a reasonable choice even though lockdown will always mean something entirely different to me. In California state prisons, lockdown refers to the time when the prison effectively closes, and all incarcerated folk are back in their room. Lockdown happens at … Continue reading lockdown mouse
1 Self-care. My new Etsy shop where people can buy some of my late husband’s art on a t-shirt, or even one of my little expressions. It feels good to know that Dave’s art is out there again, and that my words have been made tangible. And, who knows– maybe it’ll even help me chip slightly away on the enormous medical debt I’ve accumulated this … Continue reading 5 October Joys
I walk every day because one time I went to prison, fractured my hip, and then five years later had surgery to correct it. Now it’s a mandatory part of therapy. If my body did not ache when I skipped a walk, I would not bother. I’m quite content to watch the outside from the inside, or to go outside only to sit on a … Continue reading floof
When I can’t quite build a thought out into something solid enough for this blog, I will often post it to Instagram with the tag #LilliputianLog. The last weeks have seen a few of those posts so I thought I’d share two here for those who aren’t on the other platform. [For those who are on Instagram, and follow me at @rawra.avis : I now … Continue reading being excellent to each other
I didn’t tell anyone about the first date I had after Dave died, until after. I was afraid it would be an embarrassing disaster, so I made up an excuse and strolled out the door. It turns out I didn’t do anything horrible at the date. I didn’t spill a glass of wine everywhere. (I’m not sure why I’m always worried about this particular thing … Continue reading f.w.b.
